my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
