Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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