i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
