how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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