can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize