she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
