so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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