so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
