Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
