I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
