Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
