I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
