you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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