It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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