I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
