in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
