Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
