are you still at the devil's house?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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