Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
