i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
