wanna go halves on a baby?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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