is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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