Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
