We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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