Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
