I feel great
I just peed on a car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
