Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
