I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
