Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
