Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
