i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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