we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
