the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
