I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
