you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How does it feel to date your dad?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
