I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
