I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize