i just had sex bonerless
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
