Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
