you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
