she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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