woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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