You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize