is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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