just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
