How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
