I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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