yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
