Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
