well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
