just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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