dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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