first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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