Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
