I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
