I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
