No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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