Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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