My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
