God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
