so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
