Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
