The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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