Screwed.edu
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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