I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
