My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
