My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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