Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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