Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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