I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
