I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
