how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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