FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's always time for handjobs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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