Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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