Your face is a jimmy john
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
