Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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