sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
