hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
