I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
