Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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