I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
