Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found the puke drawer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
