dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
