Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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