no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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