I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
