I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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